blacklisted

blacklisted: judicial systems.

2008-03-20T15:01:00.004-05:00

UK = confess to your cat that you killed someone, go free, but get hugs from the jurors first. Read here.

US = your friend is an idiot who says she’ll kill herself. you give her a gun, she does: you go directly to jail, no hugs. Read here.

I swear, I’m moving to Canada.

Submitted by Josh K.

blacklisted: winter.

2008-03-03T21:07:00.003-06:00

It seems as if winter has something to prove this year. Well, I'm through.

I hereby refuse to lift one more fucking shovelful of snow. The only salt I'm shaking is going on my dinner. Something other than snowbanks had better start growing in my yard. And the sun ought to start hanging around longer if it knows what's good for it.

I want to see my fucking lawn! Even if it's more dandelions than grass.

I would happily trade my dry, cracked hands and chapped lips for a sunburn and some mosquito bites.

I'm breaking out the sandals and airing up the bike tires.

So there.

submitted by Jeremy H.

[I've also included a photo that sums up the post nicely. To put it in context, we came home from Arizona (a day late, due to flight cancellations) to that big snowstorm a few weeks ago. I shot the photo two blocks from home as we prepared to dig our way into the garage.]

blacklisted: weather forecasters

2008-02-27T14:01:00.005-06:00

I'll start by saying that I live in Chicago, and grasp the concept of global warming.

I also understand that winters, as a whole, thoroughly blow.

That being said, weathermen (weatherpeople?!?) are officially blacklisted in my book.

It's 2008, people. The internet (oooo! CYBER-web!), radar, satellite tracking, The Farmer's Almanac, Indian medicine men, voodoo, God knows what else, and we can't get an accurate fucking forecast past 4 fucking hours. I've had it.

If I hear "lake effect" one more time after yet another BLOWN forecast as the reason . . .

Name one other job where you can by wrong 60% of the time and keep it.

Ok, the U.S. Presidency. . . name one other!

For Christ's sweet sake, somebody figure it out.

Stay classy, Chicago.

submitted by Pat O.

blacklisted: ignorant religious hypocrites

2008-02-27T08:37:00.002-06:00

So I know the title could potentially indicate a plethora of ri-dick issues surrounding religion, but I wanted to speak specifically to a total fucktard of a husband of a friend I’ve known for 13 years. Here’s the lowdown…I’m a lesbian and have been “out” for about five years. Fucktard has been in my friend’s (let’s call her Jane) life now (and unfortunately for me, in mine) for three years. About twice a month we get together for some type of bar food and beers. Last week we decided on one of my very favorites these days, buffalo wings. We were having a lovely time and I was thoroughly enjoying my twelve wings of various flavors. Jane and some other friends left early; thus, I was left with Fucktard and another one of my buddies to finish our adult beverages with our typical friendly banter. Weirdly, the conversation turned to religion and being gay. Ok, so I’ll admit, not the best topic to discuss at the bar, especially with someone whose opinion you don’t respect anyway, but we did.

Here is some background on Fucktard. He’s a total loser – dropped out of college, had a kid out of wedlock (which he barely takes responsibility for), has rarely has kept a steady job, is in debt, etc. Jane met him three years ago and sort of, if at all, straightened his ass out, so he’s one lucky bastard that someone actually took pity on his total douchebag soul….

So, back to the wing joint. Fucktard proceeds to tell me that being gay is a SIN. Umm, WTF!?!? HOWEVER, he loves to watch lesbian porn and would participate in a threesome if any poor, helpless women were to be stupid enough to partake in such a disgusting act with him (and by disgusting, I mean specifically with him – far be it from me to look down upon two hot women in any form of intimacy). Anyway, can I say HY-PO-CRITE? He then continues, comparing homosexuality to murder or adultery or anything else that is related to a biblical sin.

Wow, I am completely shocked and taken aback at his mentality and his view that being gay can even remotely be compared to a pedophile IMing some 13-year-old girl inappropriate propositions. How is it even possible for someone to even think these two things can be compared? Don’t offer “tolerance is love and understanding,” but never accept me. And for the record, I actually attend church. In the heat of our conversation, I even quoted the Bible regarding homosexuality to support my case, however, he, claiming to be the religious person that he is, couldn’t provide one single piece of evidence to support his theory of “homosexuality is a sin.”

Being the calm, rationale, decent human being that I AM (despite wanting to go crazy, psycho, hysterical pull-hair-and-scratch-face lezzie on him), I graciously tell Fucktard that the conversation is over, that my night is over and quite frankly our “friendship” is over. Bruised ego and hurt feelings in hand, I walk out the door, truly wondering if society is really making any headway in the battle of equality. Thankfully, I actually have REAL friends who think Fucktard is just that: A. FUCK. TARD.

So I repeat, Blacklisted, ignorant religious pricks who are hypocrites.

(If interested, an unbiased point of reference regarding the Bible and homosexuality found here via Wikipedia.)

submitted by JYH

blacklisted: being exploited

2008-02-25T16:44:00.004-06:00

Today, I made my ten-minute walk to the train (which took more like twenty because of the lazy motherfuckers who refuse to shovel and/or salt their walks), to one of my three jobs, with five hours of sleep from the night before (due to paper grading), twenty-five pounds of books and papers on my back, and a fever of 101, because for lowly adjuncts like myself, there are no "sick days," only "don't-get-paid-days."

Several of my students, noticing my flushed complexion, flu-textured voice, my fist full of Kleenex, asked if I was "sick."

"I'm feeling a little under the weather, but I'm fine," I assured them. But I'm not fine.

I wanted to tell them how I cried that morning in the shower because my body was simultaneously hot and cold and all I wanted to do was sleep but somebody has to pay the rent and it's certainly not going to be the cat; I wanted to tell them I stayed up until well after one a.m. the night before, grading their papers – something I am expected to do, but do not get paid for – and that only two of the fifteen of them had written thesis statements that were even remotely defensible, even though we'd spent the last three weeks going over and over and over thesis statements and when I begged them to ask questions, if they had any, no one raised a goddamn hand to admit how truly clueless they were.

I wanted to tell them that most Saturday nights, while they are doing-whatever-the-hell-horrific thing kids their age do, content with their C-averages, I am sitting in an apartment I can barely afford, slavishly correcting their grammar.

I wanted to tell them that I have Norma-Rae-style fantasies of staging a massive adjunct walkout two weeks before finals but it's never gonna happen because there is a vast herd of fools with terminal degrees and delusions lining up to have my shitty job.

I wanted to tell them that nowadays, most universities and colleges would rather hire adjuncts than full-time faculty because ten adjuncts cost any college or university far less than one full-time faculty member. I wanted to tell them what a sweatshop academia had become.

I wanted to tell them about some of the arrogant full-time faculty pricks I've met who couldn't teach their way out of a paper bag, but thanks to their dissertation on some bullshit like the migratory habits of aggressive butterflies, they were given an office, and health insurance, and vacation time.

I wanted to tell them that now, on account of my advanced degree and the past two years spent teaching them, I am both over-qualified and bizarrely unqualified for just about any job they could imagine. Am I sick? Yes. I'm sick. Sick and bitter. Exploitation will do that to you, kids.

submitted by a.g.

blacklisted: your crotch, shrouded in lycra

2008-02-25T16:39:00.003-06:00

from walking around in the afternoon I've come to this conclusion

Ladies--Tights are not fucking pants.

You know why?

Because at no point in human history has the 'camel-toe' been sexy.

End of story.

submitted by daniel s.

blacklisted: 5 gum

2008-02-20T12:42:00.006-06:00

I don't consider myself to be a huge environmental activist or more or less earth-friendly than your average person, but I was really pissed to see the amount of hard plastic packaging that Wrigley had used to hand out free samples of its new 5 Gum. I received a large test-tube-esque handout as I walked into a music festival this fall, and I couldn't believe that so much waste had gone into distributing one stick of gum. I even sent an email to Wrigley on their website's "Contact Us" page, and yes, I do have a job and no, I am not the kind of person who pays for things with saved UPC symbols.

Also, as I am wary of marketers and their tricks, it did cross my mind that it was shaped like a vibrator/dildo, and that their tag line is "Stimulate Your Senses." Ew.

Don't buy that shit. It's wasteful and dumb.

submitted by kristine b.

blacklist warning: the democratic party

2008-02-19T15:15:00.001-06:00

Dear Democratic Party,

Consider this your first and only warning. Not only will I end our nearly decade-long relationship, I will officially blacklist you if you let our presidential primary election fall into the hands of the superdelegates. If memory serves me correctly, the last time a presidential election wasn't decided by the popular vote, we ended up with that thing.

Figure it out, assholes.

Temporarily Yours,
Theresa C.

blacklisted: reality tv shows

2008-02-19T14:50:00.001-06:00

Where do I start?

Maybe my rant should really be about the millions of assholes that watch this tripe. Seriously, folks. Stop watching. Now.

American Idol? Just what I need see! Another wanna-be jerkoff that we'll never hear from in two years, if were lucky. If I ever see that little, uppity, holier-than-thou british prick in person, I'm gonna lay his ass out.

Big Brother? Where do they find these douchebags? I don't need to see them try to reproduce, thanks!

Survivor? Jesus wept. Not another season! Have these fucktards go to Iraq. Let's see them survive that- I would watch that show.

Celebrity Apprentice/Dance/Rehab shows? Dear God, you were terrible in the 70's. Or the 80's. You're terrible now. Just die, and within this year, because chances are, you're on someone's deadpool list.

Laguna Beach? I would have loved to have been in the meeting when this goddamn show was pitched. Like I really want to see a gaggle of rich, plastic, retarded whores arguing over the latest cute little waste of life. With any luck that part of California will crack off and fall into the fucking Pacific. We'll likely see all of you vampires on the one of the shows listed above in the near future.

Happy Trails and see you on Smoking Gun for latest DUI mugshot!

submitted by pat o.

blacklisted: our celebrity-obsessed culture

2008-02-19T13:47:00.001-06:00

Who the fuck cares what Jennifer Lopez’s (I will not call her jlo) children look like? Especially for $6m. I hate these magazines and I hate these people. Don’t you have anything else to do than look at some other person’s kids? Babies all look the same and you’re never gonna fucking meet Jennifer Lopez anyway. So who cares? This is not even close to an original rant, but I’ve really had more than enough of these people. And why is Lindsey Lohan still popular? She just made one of the worst movies in the history of the world, is a drug-infested whore, but still manages to make headlines for having naked pictures taken of her? Why didn’t she OD?

Then again, whoever took this picture deserves $6m. So maybe I’m full of shit.

submitted by josh k.

blacklisted: televison writers

2008-02-19T13:27:00.001-06:00

With the writer's strike over by the end of spring and beginning of summer I'll get to watch actual TV shows again. But do I really care? Well, not really. I mean, let's face it, reality tv is television now and what written shows we do get are poorly written.

We live in an era where Candace Bushnell is considered an author and at least three shows are vying for the culturally retarded throne of Sex in the City. Just wait until Two and a Half Men goes off the air and networks try to fill that vacuum.

Forensic crime shows dominate the drama genre and these shows are so formulaic that to watch one is to watch them all. Let's ignore the fact that they are so popular that they succeed in causing people to forget:

1) cops don't yell "Freeze" and then chase you, they yell "Stop, police" and if you run, they shoot you because they are authorized to use deadly force

2) getting DNA "back from the lab" can take up to six months; the system is not streamlined

3) Miranda rights still exist

4) Fred Thompson

Sitcoms are failures. These shows are completely reliant upon gender, class, and racial stereotypes and/or bigotry (see House of Payne, the aforementioned Two and a Half Men, Desperate Housewives). Of the sitcoms in existence now, How I Met Your Mother, 30 Rock, and Big Bang Theory are the only shows actually worth watching. Everything else is still trying to climb out of the fat man/skinny wife dynamic.

All this however is just a primer to get to my real point, the real blacklist: the strike and the writers. Don't for a second believe that these so-called writers deserve any sympathy or that this was in any way a labor dispute. There's a big difference between a union whose members make well into the hundreds of thousands of dollars and a union that strives desperately to make sure that its members don't have to work 15-hour shifts in a carcinogen factory. Where's the Gap campaign for that? The writer’s union exists to prevent the legal world from allowing me to sue them for cultural defamation.

All during this strike, I thought one thing: “Fuck, I'll be a scab.” Pay me half of what the Union writers get and I'll pump out the exact same product. Does anyone really think writing My Name is Earl (the show that has allowed Jason Lee to go on to Underdog and Alvin and the Chipmunks) or Ghost Whisperer (Jennifer Love Hewitt still exists and people are okay with this!!!) is difficult? You can write ten Law & Order/CSI episodes from just watching Access Hollywood.

Network television writers suck and they're uppity about it, so “Fuck you” and go back to writing that Norbit sequel.

submitted by daniel s.

blacklisted: shrill gold-digger with embarrassing show

2008-02-19T13:18:00.001-06:00

The Millionaire Matchmaker.

She was dead to me anyway because Jesus Christ - why should she live? But, then I heard that she is telling all of women to straighten their curls and get long extensions. So, now she is extra dead. Dead beyond. Exponentially blacklisted. Now and FOREVER.

submitted by jenny l.

what is over and why.

2008-02-09T13:15:00.000-06:00

Tell me what's off your list. Photos welcome.

blogblacklisted@gmail.com